And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize