First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
