peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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