There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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