Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
