listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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