so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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