I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think i have two assholes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
