so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
