I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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