Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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