I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
