Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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