I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
