I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
