I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
