it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
