morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
