MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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