But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
