took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
COCAINE IS GR8
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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