Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
