hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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