So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
