After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
