She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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