Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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