im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize