if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
