Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
