New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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