I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
