i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
