her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
