I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They took my balls.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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