have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
