Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
