im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
