this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
