I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
