I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
