"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
