News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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