Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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