Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
