I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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