Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
