Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize