i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
