dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
