I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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