R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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