I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
