Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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