are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you are never too drunk for berry picking
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
