she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
