i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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