Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
