I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
