Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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