Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
