literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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