i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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