she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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