I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
