Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
