I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
