Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
