the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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