I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
