I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
