She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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